Ringing in the New Year

2011 is days away and I've been thinking about what I'd like to accomplish throughout the year. I love a new year, it is, in ways, a fresh start.

I am going back to school in January. Two courses, continuing on from where I began in 2006. I was lucky enough to have all my credits transfer to Mount Royal, and I think that just adds to my enthusiasm- knowing that those courses I did long ago do amount to something. I am starting slow, and with subjects that capture my interest in a general way. I will have to get into some things that I'm not too fond of in September- those being chemistry and some beginner biology to freshen up on those subjects. My ultimate goal is to some day be a midwife. I can't see that being something that would be possible while having young children so it is a long-term dream. I will have plenty enough time to get caught up in pre-requisites, volunteer and anything that may help me get into midwifery school down the road. One thing that I will do in the short-term is complete a doula training course and start getting involved with birth! I think over time the experience of being around birth will be more knowledge gained than would be learned in any classroom. This is something I am passionate about, interested in, and feel like I will grow with.

In other aspects of my life...I am still getting used to living in a new city. It is tough, and at times draining just to keep up with keeping doors open and meeting new people. But all in all, this has been a very good decision for our family, and things are certainly going up and forward!

I think it is an eye-opening experience to create so much change for yourself, and for your family. You can easily determine which friendships are strong, and which will not make it. What strengths and weaknesses you have as an individual, as a couple, and as a family. You see things for what they were, what they are, and the potential they have for later on. Certain things will leave your life, while others blossom, and ultimately when one door closes, another will open.

I am learning to be accepting of new situations, new people, and change. I make a conscious effort to let negative thoughts of judgement, resentment, envy- amongst others- to roll off, and to not let myself get sucked into to the sad but true "misery loves company". One of the most powerful pieces of advice I have ever been given in my life was simply, "let people change". How true it is. We can only hope that in all the change that happens every day, we have strong enough connections with people to make it through to what comes next for both of us.

Another thing that has stuck with me- "everybody has a story". Not everybody has someone to listen. So, listen.

I don't have everything sorted out by any means, but I notice year by year I can put the pieces together, and the pieces usually build something that makes sense at some point or another.

For this new year approaching, 2011, I want to surround myself with positive, uplifting people who I can appreciate on their best day, and love on their worst day. I want to move forward with new friends, and stay connected with old ones. I want to let some people go, and hope to see them again somewhere down the road. I want to learn, grow, laugh, and make the best out of the good times and have hope during the worst times. I want to be authentic in all aspects of my life, and to support others in the same way.

I wish you all the very, very, very best for the new year. I hope you all find what you are setting out for, and enjoy the journey getting there!

Happy New Year!

Winter Escape

I am planning a trip for us. By "us" I mean, Jon and I, or all of us...I am undecided! We are thinking Mexico, Cuba or Dominican Republic. Any thoughts? All-inclusive seems like a good way to go, especially since what you pay upfront is what you pay. That makes budgeting simple and stress-free. If we were to bring the kids, Jack is free. That is awesome, plus he is at a good age to hang out on the beach and play in the sand (or eat it), and loves to swim. Julia would absolutely love it, and there are usually kids clubs for kids her age. If only Jon and I were to go it would be a great week for the 2 of us to relax and have some peace and quiet...but I do think I would be wishing we took the kids with us once we got there- well, maybe after a day or two of rest! We have the advantage of being able to go last minute with Jon's work so I am wondering if we should wait for a slow work period and then just book and go. Anyway, I am mostly looking for opinions on where to go...please offer any thoughts or experiences with or without kids!

Facebook and our kids

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I'm beginning to wonder if I should be posting photos, status updates, notes, and videos of my children on Facebook. If it is posted on Facebook it is an online footprint of their existence and they don't even get a say in it. All their milestones, photos (although I don't post anything that would be inappropriate or that I think they would ever be embarrassed about), accomplishments...it just seems like although I want to share with family and [close] friends, all these things really are private and belong to them. 20 years ago when I was 3 years old all of these things were only shared among family and friends through letters with photos included or phone calls. There was no e-mail, no Facebook, no social networks, no internet. My childhood is documented with pictures, the odd video, and by stories told by my family, also a journal my mom kept for me. But the rest is by memory. My children could have every minute of their lives documented if I so chose to do that....which is a little bit scary. Especially when it can be exposed to the whole world. Facebook owns every single thing that is posted on their site. This information will be available to anyone who wants and will pay for it. By putting our full names on social networks such as Facebook we are exposing everything that is available there. Some of it can even be out of our control! If someone posts pictures of you without your consent that photo belongs to facebook, and all it needs is an "unofficial" tag (i.e. you "untag" yourself but they can still "tag" you without linking it to your personal facebook page), that picture is property of Facebook and can be viewed with an association to you. Scary stuff. But mostly, I don't want to be putting my children out there without them having any say in how they could possibly be viewed later in life. It can seem so private when you change your privacy settings, but really this is just a false sense of security. This stuff can come back to haunt anyone, at any point in their lives. If social networking has become this big already, imagine what it will be when our children are grown, even the children that haven't even been born, let alone thought of, could have access to everything you are putting on Facebook today. I don't want to be over the top in either direction...but these are things to think about.

Society is evolving at a fast pace, and in an unknown direction. Are we ready to face what implications this might have on us and our children in the future? I'm questioning how easily I put things online. It is a tough decision for me to take my kids off Facebook for a couple of reasons. The first being that I use the photo albums as a way to store photos in an organized fashion so that friends and family can view them. If anything were ever to happen to my computer, the printed photos, or our external hard drive, I would have copies on Facebook. I know there are other options for this, but so far this is the easiest way and it is also a great tool to provide updates both in photo form, milestones, stories, etc. It works, other than the fact that all of this information belongs to Facebook. I have another blog (jackandjuju.blogspot.com) that is all about my kids and our life, but I have already decided to make that private. I'm looking into the best way to achieve that, hopefully there is a server somewhere that allows for a simple password to be entered rather than to have to "sign in" and be invited to the blog. I'll keep the followers of Jack and Juju posted.

This is big stuff, and we all need to be thinking about it. Everything is permanent now, everything online that is. At what point are we going too far, and at what point are we just going with the flow of society? We don't want to shelter our children too much, but we don't want to throw them into the madness either.

What are all of your thoughts on Facebook and your kids (or future kids)?

Caffeine gets the boot.

I am generally an anxious person, always have been, and always will be. It takes a lot of positive energy and thought to keep it under control and manageable for myself but I've learned a lot over the years about how my body works and how to keep myself level.

Caffeine is a trigger for me, a huge trigger. Most people can drink coffee and feel great, its a boost of energy and perks you right up so you're ready to conquer whatever is in front of you. I am not one of those people. I will actually suffer from anxiety attacks as a result of one coffee.

I love the taste of coffee, I love the energy boost first thing in the morning when I'm up at 7 am with a VERY awake baby, and I especially love a latte for a treat once in awhile. Sadly, it is just not worth it for me.

After many, many attempts at trying to convince myself I can consume my buzzing goodness without any issue, I am officially giving it the boot out of my life. I'll have the occasional small piece of chocolate, but unfortunately I'm so sensitive to caffeine that more than that can bother me!

So now I ask myself why I have been putting myself through insane anxiety every time I consume caffeine. Glad those days are now behind me. Hello Rooibos tea!

ENOUGH,

I am so sick of feeling so gross. So low-energy, so fat, so unmotivated, so...frumpy?

I'm 23.

These are my prime years!

I put all this time, effort, energy, and money into my beautiful kids, and completely put myself to the side. I don't feel good, not like I should be feeling.

So, its time for a change! I'm starting with a personal trainer and I'm going to learn how to work out. To lose weight do you ask? No. So I can feel strong, and confident and so I can get my energy back. The weight will come off with the lifestyle change. I'm not one who has difficulty losing weight, it comes off as long as I eat well, but most importantly when I'm exercising and feeling motivated to be active. Its hard getting time for myself when I have 2 kids to look after, a house to keep up and all the various things in between. But I'm going to make it a priority, I'm going to make it work.

I deserve it. Jon deserves it. My kids have a young mom and I want to make the most of it- I should have tons of energy and be in good shape!

I have a plan to start with and I will take it day by day.

1) Start with the trainer
2) Cut out pop/juice (I rarely drink alcohol so that isn't a weight or health issue)
3) Drink 12 glasses of water a day
4) More vegetables and fruits
5) When I'm looking for something to munch on at night, I'm going to make Rooibos tea
6) Get rid of the junk food in the house altogher- thats right, in the garbage.
7) Find a yoga class to go to once a week
8) Cut as much sodium as possible out of my diet
9) Eat all meals at home except for an occasional treat
10) Let myself have a treat once in awhile, but plan it and not give into "cravings"


Wish me luck. I'm going to feel like a new person before Christmas!

Mommy needs a time out...

My man has been away most of the summer. He is working hard and we are all adjusting to this abrubt change to our lifestyle! He has gone into the commerical hardwood business, and while it is big money there is also lots of sacrifice for all of us. This leaves me at home with 2 kids, a house to take care of, and all the man jobs to manage as well. I have discovered what ORGANIZED really looks like, and man do I ever have a hell of a lot of respect for single mothers now. I am on duty 24/7. There are no breaks, no time-outs, no excuses to get away. I am forever thankful to my family who do give relief when it is needed, but it is definitely not the same as expecting my husband home everyday to take some of the pressure off...not to mention weekends where I used to be off diaper-duty and got to sleep in! This is a lot of responsibility, a lot of work, and emotionally this takes a lot more out of me!

I have definitely noticed this has had a positive effect on our relationship as the hours together are precious and we keep all the stupid stuff out of the way. We are more romantic, more thoughtful, and more appreciative of each other and what an average day looks like for both of us. I can't explain how exciting it is when he comes home, I find myself counting the days and anxiously waiting...that butterflies in the stomach feeling all over again, and finally when I see him again it is pure bliss. I am reminded of why I fell in love in the first place. I miss him terribly when he's gone, but I know it won't be forever, and it definitely spices things up between us!

The kids talk to Daddy every night before bed, and he calls me later on when he's done work for the day. Talking to him on the phone brings me back to the early days when we started dating, and despite seeing each other all day we would somehow be able to talk all night and into the early morning. There are definitely perks to him being out of town working. It is just for these summer months and then things will start going back to normal.

The days are long, and I am pretty lonely. I haven't really made any new friends here, I do have friends here but they all have busy schedules with work, and various activities...plus they don't have any kids so it makes it hard to connect. I know things will perk up a bit more in the fall with Julia in preschool and dance, I'm sure it will take some time and effort but I will hopefully meet some moms around town. Julia has been having a blast with cousins so that is a huge perk! The days are especially long being with the kids all day by myself. I keep busy taking them to the zoo, going swimming, but mostly we just hang out in the backyard with the kiddie pool, sprinkler and all those lazy summer day activities. I've read a lot which is a nice change but it would be nice to have someone to talk to. I'd pick up the phone and call more often but I don't want to bother anyone! I know it takes a little effort but it sucks being the only one to do it. I try to stay away from the computer but I've re-discovered e-mailing with friends and its actually nice to write letters (even if in e-mail form) back and forth. Much more personal than social networks (i.e facebook) which I am again getting bored and annoyed with. I don't want a life on facebook, I want to get out and have a real one. All in all, its lonely moving to a new city and trying to get settled socially. I hope it happens soon...these days are starting to feel longer and longer.

I miss Jon so much, but it will only be 2 more days and I'll be picking him up from the airport! I can't wait to see him. He works so hard, he's so motivated and such a great provider. I've got some fun things in mind for our weekend...now to wait patiently for Friday :)

The first post.

This is it. A place where I can be a little more honest, a little more creative, and I can't really say there is a focus other than my life as a mom!

I'm 23. I have 2 beautiful children, an amazing man, and I'm writing out of Calgary, Canada. These are the stories.

The kids

 Let me start with Julia, born in February 2007. A little unexpected, but with such a dramatic entrance and a big personality we know she was just waiting for the right moment to make her way into the world. She is bright, happy, and sensitive. Her laugh is one of a kind, contagious, hysterical and rich-if you know her you will know what I mean! She is passionate about life, and curious as anyone I have ever met. Although a bit shy, once she gets to that comfort level her personality bursts out and happiness hits the walls! She doesn't miss a beat, pays attention to detail, and is very sensitive to emotion all around her. Although she resembles me, she is definitely her Father's daughter and a total worker bee. She is 3, and 3 is messy, but messy equals personality and I am loving it!

Jack is my second, born November 2009. He made it very clear that he was his own person before he even made an appearance. I was expecting him to be born late, as his sister was, so going into labour 3 weeks early threw me off my game! He was my VBAC baby and gave me direction and purpose in my long-term goal of being involved with child birth somewhere down the road in my life. He is a quiet little guy, but when he decides to use those vocals he is very chatty! He is more observant than curious, loves to eat, and is bashful with his shy little smile! He loves to sleep, and loves the familiarity of home. He is my baby, and I can tell that title won't expire when he's out of diapers!


The guy

I met my husband, Jon, when I was 16. We have been together ever since. He is a carpenter, and an ambitious one at that. In the past 5 years he has grown from a laborer to an independent contractor starting his own business. I am so proud of how far he has come, he really works so hard for our family. There are a million things I could say about him, but by far his best quality is what an amazing father he is to our children. He is their hero, and his love for them is the sweetest thing. We are coming up on our 2nd Anniversary, its gone by quick, but I guess that means we're enjoying this life we have built for ourselves. He is my rock, always saving me, from the world and myself. He is my best friend, and the love of my life- makes for a pretty sweet combo.

That's my life in a nut shell, read on for the exciting, boring, and sometimes messy details...!